Path Integral Formulation of Your life

its so true ….

Summer and Sexuality

Come summer and sea side becomes a galore of nakedness. People here do a good workout during winters and spring so that they get a nice figure which is available on show by summers.

Today it here in Trieste its 27 deg, a nice excuse to cast of clothes. People here have great figures and are eager to show it. Sun bath is another reason to be half naked. In fact one does feel good if people around you notice your attractiveness. Both the displayer and the observer are happy. The same thing happens in Circus. The artists feel happy when their performance is appreciated. The audience feels happy as they get a chance to see the great show of a incredible artist . I love to watch these shows, but given my busy schedule, I only am able to see it from the bus which runs along the sea side. great it is

Indians Abroad

Few days back I made a trip to Rome. It was just a one day trip and I returned by the night train. Mt train from Rome was is night with a 10:50 departure. I spend a long time waiting at the station’s waiting room. Then I decided to come to the platform from where the train would leave. On my way to platform I met some Indians. I just saw them but didn’t communicated.

They were looking quite modern. Children communicating in very good English ascent, gave a clue to me that they must be UK based. Few minutes later it my guess turned out to be right.

At the platform, both me and them raced towards the empty bench. The bench was luckily big enough to accommodate me and some of them. There were two woman, two men and two kids. One woman was trying to be very stylish, every now and then moving her hands trough her hairs. Her husband was brought up in UK ans was as likely trying to be very English. What caught my attention most was, both husband an wife were criticizing strongly about the various things in India. They started with the facility of trains, saying they are not comfortable and secure. The other couple was trying to be against them, and thus were putting points in favor of Indian government.

At that point hearing all that I felt bad, but when I later thought over it again, I realized that to some extent the criticism is valid. Certainly for a person who has been brought up with such luxuries with definitely complain on the arrival of any discomfort, because the mind has been trained to live in comfort and luxury.

I wondered has India been also full with luxury and free from problems, such criticism will have no place.

Beautiful Girls

Few days back I was traveling in bus when I encountered a Tourist who came to visit Trieste. She was damn beautiful, tall, thin legs etc. etc ?? because I do not know how to exactly describe her. Well when she entered the bus, all the men turned their faces towards her. Even women looked at her with contempt. She was new to town, her facial structure was quite different from Triestenian girls, majority of whom have same form and dressing style.

She wanted to get down at the Train station, but being unaware of the routes and stops, she started inquiring about it from various men. I looked her movements carefully and was examining her behavior. She was quite confident in approaching anyone and asking with demanding looks. I wondered what make her so confident and a thought came to my mind.

Beautiful girls thinks that their beauty is the price that they paying and thus they feel free to ask, talk etc. Which in case of other persons is not true.

Parcel from my Sister on Rakhi

Few days back my sister send me a parcel. Her busy schedule did not give any chance to her of informing me from before. It was while I was talking to my mom that she informed be about it that I will soon receive a parcel on Rakhi by my sister. I was excited about it.

For the past few days I didn’t check my mail box. My office is located in a different building, while the mail boxes are put in the main building. Unless some official work brings me to main building, I never go to see the mail box. After I heard from my mom about the parcel. I went the same day to see if I have received any thing. On entering the room where mail boxes are kept, I found a yellow packet lying in my mail box. I quickly collected it and went to my office to have a look. On my way I thought that it must have arrived earlier, only I checked it now. On reaching my office, I was very eager to open it soon and see what I have recived. At first instance I thought of opening it only after I have reached home, but I couldn’t resist the temptation. I quickly opened it, and what a surpise ? I received Parle-G biscuits and Nan-khatai with rakhi and a soveinor fron New York and a small card with best wishes… Vow that was so lovely and touching. After gazing it for sometime, I closed it. Soon I left for home.

On reaching home, and after finishing the dinner, I was again excited to have a glimpse of the parcel. I closed the door of my room, jumped on my cushy bed and reopened the parcel, this time I was more happy, as if a kid has just got a gift of which he was desperately longinh for. My behavior was like that partially, because I was in comfortable position, lying on bed, covering myself with soft blanket. All this made me feel very homely, like as though I was in my house at my hometown.

The Parle-G biscuits reminded me of my childhood days, when I used to eat the whole packet of Parle-G by soaking one after another in tea. Holding the Parle-G in my hand, I recalled the same taste that I used to get in my childhood. This softness brought with itself lot of events from those days to life. I remembered how much I used to love eating biscuits by soaking them in tea. they used to become soft, and sometimes they used to even fall in tea, which ultimately I used to take them out by spoon. There are lot of childhood memories associated with Parle-G. Everytime whenever we (me, my sister and my Mom) used to go to market, my Mom used to purchase two packets of biscuits, one for me and one for my sister. Both of us used to eat them by soaking them in tea, a great taste thus. I used to finish my packet very early before my sister could finish hers, why ?? so that she donot take mine . But after mine were finished I used to take biscuits fo my sister . Now I feel how mean I was, but when you are kids these things do not come to once mind. My sister was great, that she never used to say anything much to me, she only used to ask why did i took hers and then smile . Funny are childhood memories. So receiving Parle-G in parcel made me to think about my childhood, and I again wanted to become a kid .

After examinig Parle-G and keeping it back in packet, I took out the sovenior from New York. It size was that of small pocket diary, and had a magnet at its back. The picture showed a building and other things like cranes etc. On it was written, “Old New York, Flat Iron Building”. It was slightly orangish in color, to give it a rusty look. May be they made it in that way in order to make the person looking at it feel retrospective. I also felt the same.

And in end I took out Rakhi, with a small card. The card contained wishes from my sister on rakhi. Rakhi was of silver. It looked very beautiful and was glittering in the light of bulb. Seeing all that I once again recalled my childhood days, when my sister used to tie rakhi on my hand and then used to give sweets to me. Oh … How sweet were those moments.

Stealing from Waste

I never thought or expected that I would one day see a thing which would make me to write a post. Whenever I’m in kitchen cooking the dinner or having breakfast, I often look out from the window to see what is happening outside. The road doesn’t speaks anything but it silently witness many things. The scenes created on the road have a lot to speak. Many of the scenes are usual and doesn’t cause much impact on the mind, but some create a very strong image on mind.

One particular scene which created a strong impact on my mind and made me to wonder and reason why it was so, was the following. Just in front of my house is a big supermarket called PAM. Actually the back of the supermarket faces our house. Towards the back of PAM, are kept big waste boxes, where the spoiled food is thrown. This contains mostly, partially rotten fruits, vegetables, recently expired bread and other papers or carton boxes. Although these boxes are mainly meant for the supermarket to throw their trash, but people staying nearby that due to their laziness also throw the waste from their houses. Sometimes even I throw in them. These waste from the houses is complete shit, they contain only rubbish and garbage. It stinks offensively. The waste form the supermarket in my opinion is still usable, if used immediately, however the presence of garbages from the different house makes them bad.

In night I was cooking my dinner and then while the masala was getting prepared, I just came to the window to see the outside life and take some fresh air. I noticed a strange thing. I saw a woman taking out bread and other usable items from the waste box. I stood on the window to see and wonder why actually she might need them. She was dressed in a nice way. Her dress doesn’t made any sign that she is too poor to afford. She collected some bread, fruits and green leafy vegetables, I guess this is all what she could find. I stood there till she left. Though she left soon. I thought a bit over as to what the reasons are, that urged her to do this undignified act. Well then I got engaged in making my vegetables and forgot what I saw.

After couple of days in morning, I came to the window to put my wet towel in the sun. I was preparing myself for the breakfast. It was around I guess 11:00 am. I saw a man on scooter, who was taking out food and other eatable stuff from the waste box. He collected lot of stuff and put it all in his scooter. There were lot of people on the road, who might be watching all this, but generally over here people ignore all this. After he was done with the task, he left with his scooter and food. I didn’t pay much attention as I was busy preparing myself for the office. After few minutes I again came at the window with a nutella and cheese sandwich in hand. I gain found the same man with a scooter, this time he was accompanied by a woman and a dog also. I guess they were their family members. The woman came with a PAM carriage to collect  the food, and she took so much that her whole carriage was filled. The dog was standing nearby to her, waving his tail anxiously to get some food.

In watching all this my breakfast was over and I started packing up my bag to leave. When I went downstairs, I found the man leaving on hi scooter and the women going away with her carriage. The rule of supermarket PAM is that if you want to carry a lot of food from market, then you cane issue a carriage which you later return after you are done with the shopping  and left the stuff in your vehicle. However this woman was using the carriage on road. She was taking the carriage somewhere, may to her nearby home. This time I really wondered seriously why they are using the food from the waste. Two reasons came to my mind. Either they are really poor and cannot afford to purchase from the market or they run some pizzeria and want to make maximum profit. I can rule out the first possibility as I noticed they wore reasonably fine clothes and also carry a dog. Thus only the second possibility made sense to me.

If that is true, then how mean and cheap are they as they want to deceive their customers. But I cannot say this very firmly as I have not made a full inquiry.

Few days later, I found the same lady again taking food from the waste. She was accompanied by her dog. While she was collecting the food, I noticed another lady who came to throw her waste from her house. She came with lot of pride, to threw her waste or may she became arrogant to see that someone is taking food from waste, which actually had come from some person who might have purchased food in order to produce that waste. This was also a bit strange. That even waste has its owner and carried a price value. This thing becomes more prominent when someone start using it.

Blind Lady

2 Days ago I was coming to my office. When I came out form the house, I realized that the day was exceptionally beautiful. the sky was damn clear and blue, the Sun with its glossy light was enhancing the greenery everywhere. While walking towards the bus station, I realized that I missed the last bus and thus preferred to sit on th seat put near by.

I just sat down and gazed the vastness and blueness of sky with smile, occasionally looking here and there. After few minutes the bus 36 came, and everyone entered through the first gate. Given the beauty of the day, the bus was very crowded. Everyone longed to go to the sea shore and stretch themselves under the sky taking sun bath.

I was standing just near the front door. there wasn’t enough space to move or to go towards back. Standing right at the front part of bus near the driver, one can see everything on both sides of road. The was lot of people everywhere, as though they were visiting a public fair. When the bus was about the reach the stop located near the Church, I noticed a middle aged lady, dressed nicely and wearing dark sun glasses. When The bus approached she did not make any gesture or signal to stop the bus. However the bus still did stop because someone wanted to get down.

When she heard the sound of bus approaching, she started moving towards the first door. She used her hand in order to feel and sense where she is heading. On seeing her the driver opened the door, but since I was standing at the door (due to crowd ), the door couldn’t open nicely and was half opened. By then she has already come to the door. She put her right hand on the side of left door and the left hand in between the two doors. She asked what is the number of the Bus. While she was asking this, the driver closed the door in order to reopen in nicely. Since her hands were kept in wrong position thus they were a little hurt when the door closed. After teh door opened again she just said thanks in Italian with a beautiful simle.

After she left and the bus proceeded, I wondered even though she is unable to see the beauty of the day, still she is happy and have a smile on her face. While other people who are completely perfect are always complaining of something or other, or fighting with someone. What an irony ???

Social criticism of being a vegetarian

Mostly in India people are vegetarian. Actually the form of vegetarianism practiced by most of them is partial. Only a small percentage follow true vegetarianism.

The word vegetarianism is defined by Wikipedia in the following manner : it is the practice of a diet that excludes all animal, including poultry, game, fish, shellfish or crustacea, and slaughter by-products.

Mostly the Indians follow lacto vegetarian: where along with vegetable one can also take milk, honey and other dairy products. This is because Cow is considered scared in Hindu religion, thus the milk is consumed assuming cow to be sacred mother.

Beside this many Indians also prefer to take flesh occasionally. This type of vegetarianism is actually semi-vegetarian. There are many other varieties of semi-vegetarianism.

However certain class of Hindu follow Su vegetarianism : in this apart from being Lacto veg one does not eat onions, garlic, scallions, leeks and shallots. Mostly the people who follow Yoga philosophy, they follow this. Why ?? Because the aim of Yoga is to attain a stable, desire-less and focused mind, and ultimately join the soul with God. Eating these things make the focusing of mind difficult and also makes the controlling of desires difficult. Thus this is practiced by them.

There is another related term Fruitarianism : It is a diet of only fruit, nuts, seeds, and other plant matter that can be gathered without harming the plant. This is mostly practiced by people following Jainism. Some times Hindus also follow this occasionally. They follow it during the times of fast.

Whatever the kind of vegetarianism one follows, the reason for following them can be related to morality, religion, culture, ethics, aesthetics, environment, society, economy, politics, taste, or health.

Now you must wondering why I’m talking about all this ? The reason is that I’m a Hindu and practice Yoga philosophy. Thus I’m a Su Veg but sometimes on days of fast I also follow Fruitarianism. Presently I’m living in Italy. Practicing these are really difficult in places where majority of people are non-veg. Its difficult not because I don’t find lot of vegetables in supermarkets, but because the way I’m being treated by society.

Common remarks and words that I hear from public are : ” are you joking that you are veg ” , ” really ” , ” I will not be happy if I practice that ” etc. and the most extreme one : ” are you crazy ” .

Sometimes the criticism comes in an indirect way. Like many times it happen that I’m called for party by my friends, almost all the people going for party are non-veg with me the only exception who neither drinks alcohol nor eats meat. Thus it becomes quite difficult. Either I have to ask them to arrange for something veg for me which appears like asking for favor or I just make any reason that I would not be able to come but then this gives an impression that I’m not a very social person. This type of unspoken criticism hurts more.

Even when people do make something veg for me, they forget to exclude onions, garlic etc. Once I was called for small dinner party, where they made some veg stuff. The host were happy that I would be also coming for party while mostly I say no. I was also happy that I’m going to meet friends. However only when I reached there that I realized that the food contain onions and garlic, while the sweet dish contains eggs. I didn’t want to trouble them nor I wanted to make a joke of myself. Thus I decided to eat the food leaving the sweet dish. I felt bad that I had to violate the rules. But then I also felt happy that I made them feel good by joining them for dinner.

Recently I had to go for a conference related to my research work. There they asked me while registering me for the conference, whether I’m vegetarian or vegan or follow some other. It was quite difficult to explain them the kind of diet I practice. And unfortunately at that time I didn’t have the knowledge of the different terms assigned to various categories of vegetarianism. Somehow I managed to explain them the restricted diet I follow. But after the conversation was finished I realized that almost everyone in the room was staring at me with wide open eyes.

There are many encounters like this through which I have to go. Just because that I’m veg and follow a restricted diet that I have to undergo an unspoken criticism. Practicing vegetarianism in a region where majority is non-veg, is considered abnormal.

What is Madness ?????

Today I was waiting at the bus stop for the Bus 36 to reach my institute, there I noticed an abnormal women. She was wearing normal clothes, red sweater ,Grey trousers and good shoes, all in pretty good shape. With the dress one cannot tell if there is some problem with her or not. Her face was a bit strange. I saw wrinkles all over here face, definitely she was not young, or may be the illness has made her like that. Beside there were other features on face which were not normal.

She was standing close to the road waiting for the bus. After sometime she bend down to pick something from the street. After examining it she threw it and then started singing and tossing on legs like a kid.

Soon the bus came and we all entered the bus. I noticed that she took some time in getting into the bus and when she did came inside, she came towards the back of bus. There were two seats on which 2 boys were sitting. On seeing her one stood up to leave the seat for her. The other did not. She touched the legs of other boy making a gesture that she want to sit in his place. I wondered why she wanted to sit there, may be because it was the window seat or maybe thats the seat she always used to take ?? I don’t know … People smiled at her and tried to behave in a more normal and meaningful way than usual, just to keep distinction.

Many stops passed, she didn’t utter anything except making some strange growling voices from her throat. But when the next stop was about to come, some people pressed the stop button. The red light on ceiling started blinking showing that someone wants to get out. As the stop approached, this woman started screaming loudly, a very strange sound, not even the usual scream that humans make. She came quickly near the gate to get down, stood near an middle aged lady. She was pressing herself against this middle aged lady, meaning that she wanted to get down as soon as the gate opens. At this point, the middle aged lady spoke something in a hard voice in Italian.

I was surprised to see the way the people behaved after she got down from bus. The young girls were laughing, old men and women were making faces and softly abusing, young boys smiled and put glasses on eyes to stare girls on the sea side. The behavior of that lady has affected the minds of everyone in bus, except me. I was the only one who did not show any change in behavior. I noticed that people were staring at me, why ?? Just because I didn’t want to be with them ??? strange no ??

Now I ask question, what is madness ?? Or what I should call an abnormal act ??

Certainly each one of us do many things in our daily life which doesn’t have any meaning or of use to anyone. We do them for pleasure and happiness or may be sometimes for nothing. For example walking on street with mobile on one hand and cigarette in other but still kicking the pebbles which lie on street. There are many useless and kiddish things we do, but still we consider ourselves normal.

Society has defined some unspoken norms. What is done by majority is considered normal, even though that might not have any meaning or be of use to anyone.

Watch

“What a bright day today is?”, I asked with myself.

Doing the usual activities of the day, times passes from your hand like water. “The more you try to grip it, the lesser you would get.”

“Anyway one has to keep on trying, maybe some day one would be able to hold both the grip and time.” With this thought I started from my house to take the bus for the office. “Office on Sundays ?? looks a bit strange. Well for me its fine, but the world see me with skeptical eyes.” Thoughts apart, I tell what happened today.

I was sitting on one of the benches put near the bus station, gazing the sky. The clouds look spectacular with the blue background. The cool breeze soothing your face every now and then. I wondered, “its so beautiful today that I feel like having a walk on the sea side.” With the end of this thought the bus 36 arrived. I was about to get in the bus when two men came running form back and entered the gate. I recognized one but not the other.

“So, how are you?”

“Oh, Gaurav, such a long time to see you. How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You have become a little fat, how come? You was thin earlier.”

“Well you have also gained some weight since the last time I saw you.”

With a smile Latif anserwed, ” yes a little, but not much”

He introduced me to an Indian guy, who has come to visit ICTP for 3 months. It was nice to meet them and I felt really happy and good after talking to them. Otherwise till before I was feeling very dull and disgusting.

On reaching SISSA main building, I smelled some smoke from charcoal. I was expecting to see a Barbecue which my friends from SISSA have decided to put in Belavista building, close to where my office is located. But on reaching the place I didn’t see anything special not even a shouts and screams from the drunken souls.

“Good, I’m not in mood to make party today. I have to finish some work”, I murmured.

The office was as usual clam and warm, no one has come since last few days except me. I logged in my PC and then started surfing. Spending some one hour on net, I realized that now I should study. I was about to do start something, that I heard some voices down the street. I easily recognized them. I got an impulse from inside my mind to have a look from the window, but I overcome that impulsive state by good reasons of not joining them.

However, after few minutes, my mobile started buzzing in the trousers. I took out to check who is calling. It was my flatmate.

“Hi, Gaurav”

“Oh hi Erick”

“We are at Bellavista building main door. Could you open the door for us.”

“Ok, I’m coming.”

I had to go out, to help them and see what they need. However I didn’t know that it was a trick to call me outside and make me to join them.

I went outside. Some boys were trying to lit the Barbecue, putting charcoal and other inflammable stuff. The girls were cutting vegetables and making salad. The society is very much divided. Men chose or may be by nature, do the work which require some tediousness while girls do something simple.

While I moved from the gate towards them, I heard a series of conversations.

” Put this here. No we would not operate that part of BBQ as we don’t have sufficient coal.” One boy trying to put the coal in order, so that when burnt then according to him give maximum heat. Other was putting some white inflammable cubic stuff in between, to lit the coal effectively. One was trying to understand and watching eagerly. Second was not sure whether to be with girls or with boys, but since his outer body is like boy thus he decide to stay with other boys. I don’t know if it was him who decided this or the divided society.

I moved further and was directed by some to the area where food was kept. To my surprise there was plenty of food. There was meat, brinjal, sauce, sausages, bread, oil, fruits etc. It looked as though they wanted to make a picnic. Certainly it was a picnic.

I decided to stay at one area where no one could disturb me. People were talking to each other, mostly in Italian, sometimes in English. Occasionally they would throw a question to me asking, how I’m feeling, hows my sister wedding, hows everything going on, why don’t you try some food. When Italians speaks English, it sounds funny, but they are good natured and nice people.

I was felling a bit lonely, even though I was surrounded by the crowd and the joyous voices. I had to keep a smile on face to keep the mood of the party cool and rocking. Hardly anyone cared for the plastic smile that I was carrying.

The BBQ became hot, and they started putting stuff on the grill. Meat was the first thing to be put on the grills in front part, while some vegge girls tried to put some sliced brinjals on the end part of grill. Potatoes were wrapped in tin foils and were put in the warm ashes of the coal. It was looking very dramatic.

While the stuff was getting done, in the mean time people started eating bread with sauce. They couldn’t control the temptations and the excitement. In order to show that I’m not keeping myself aloof, I also picked some small pieces of bread to eat with sauce. Being a vegetarian it becomes quite difficult for me to carry on these types of parties. Generally I avoid going to such parties, but not always reasons can be given.

Soon the first servings of meat and veg was ready. There was excitement in the friends. Girls started running here and there, while some boys tried to collect the stuff from the grill. They all looked very happy and were in joyous mood. Girls were even murmuring some songs. Soon the stuff brought down from the fire was finished, even though it was damn hot, but then the fire in their stomach was even hotter . They were fighting for it, but still everyone got atleast one piece. No one came to ask me if I wanted to take some, well I was also not expecting either. However when I did try to take one piece of sliced and baked brinjal, some people saw me with skeptical faces. One can give a reason for that, since my contribution to that party was none, so in some sense I was not entitled to take any stuff. But I felt gratified as no one commented anything.

I was mostly watching the empty street, looking the clouds and sky sometimes, sometimes toward the train station situated near the area. The party was looking funny. Soon the second servings was ready. This time the people were ravenously eating. Their fire of hunger was boosted by the first servings.

People attacked on food like animals. It was a little funny to see the friends in that mood. I also joined them, not as an animal but as human. When everyone has taken his share of food, I went to pick a piece of baked brinjal and tried it with sauce. Certainly it was delicious. Guys were also drinking. After few minutes, one burped loudly. Girls started laughing at this.

I was not in mood to enjoy the funny party, so was looking for the occasion to leave them. While looking at them I wondered, why they are like that. At the time of party they don’t care about anyone or anything at all. They were free from any sort of worries or pain or anything that would make them feel sad. Or may they were doing all that in order to forget the worries, sorrow and sufferings.

Soon I find an occasion to leave. One boy wanted to use the toilets, so he asked me to open the door of the building in order to get in. I thus left, while the party continued for about 2 more hours after I left.